Matchmaking 101
by Madartiste
Summary: Damian decides Dick isn't capable of making rational decisions about his social life. So he enlists some help to find his brother the perfect match. (A bit of Dick/Babs fun)


_Disclaimer: I own nothing. For realsies. I'm just playing with someone else's stuff.  
__Author's Note: This is nominally set in the New 52 universe, though some headcanon kind of stuff might have bled through, so apologies for anything that's not canon-compliant. Also, I'm a shameless Dick/Babs shipper so… I REGRET NOTHING! Except maybe not having a beta-reader… So, there might be grammar mistakes and whatnot lurking. Read at your own risk.  
__Rating: Rated T for Jason's language – Bad, Jason, bad!_

_EDIT: It's been a really long time since I've uploaded anything to , so I'm sorry for the wacky formatting. I'll try to figure out how to fix it._

* * *

"Are you going to tell me why I'm here, or is this the part where you try to stab me and I kick your ass?" Jason asked.

Damian snorted and smirked. "Since the latter is absolutely impossible, I'll show you." The boy tapped a key on the ridiculously expensive prototype laptop that he may have happened to borrow from the batcave without asking.

"You have _**charts**_?!" Jason stared at the image projected on the crumbling plaster wall. "Like, a freakin' powerpoint presentation?"

"Considering your limited mental capacity, I thought visual aids would be appropriate," Damian responded scathingly. "Do you want me to explain this or not?"

"Fine, fine. Knock yourself out." He dropped his signature red helmet on the makeshift table made of stacked shipping pallets. They'd both be lucky if they got out of the abandoned warehouse without contracting tetanus, he decided.

Squaring his shoulders, Damian adopted an authoritative stance. Best to move along quickly. He doubted Todd's attention span could hold out much longer. "I need your help. With this." The wall was now peppered with multiple images of a dark haired woman accompanied by one Dick Grayson.

"Soooo, you need, what? Dating advice? You could ask Dick to hook you up. She seems pretty chummy with him." Leaning forward, Jason rested his crossed forearms on the dome of his helmet. The leather of his jacket creaked where it stretched across his shoulders.

The child assassin growled. "No, you idiot! Her name is Sonia Branch. Grayson has enlisted her help gaining funding for his stupid amusement park project."

"Aaaand?" Jason prompted with a roll of his hand.

"Her _**real**_ name is Sonia Zucco."

Damian was satisfied by the look of shock that stole over the older man's face. "Wait... Zucco as in..."

"Her father."

"Shit! Does Dick know that?"

"Yes."

"Well, does _**Bruce**_ know?"

"Yes. Father says Grayson is an adult and can make his own decisions." Damian scowled deeply. Obviously, he disagreed.

"The hell..." Jason ran a hand through his hair, dark locks sticking out at odd angles. "What do you want me to do about it?"

The boy's face lit up with a disturbingly hopeful expression. "So you'll help?"

Holding out a gloved palm facing forward, Jason warned, "Don't go jumping the gun, kid. I need to hear the plan first."

"Yes, yes." Damian advanced to the next slide. "As you can see, I've done extensive research -"

"Stalking, you mean," the Red Hood cut in. "Geeeeez. Is this every woman he's spoken to in, what, the last three months?"

"I thought it best to be thorough. Are you going to let me finish?"

"I _**have**_ to know where this is going. So, yes."

Damian cleared his throat and pointed to the display. "This table shows all the current potential replacements. Grayson is only likely to break of this ill-thought relationship if he's got a better alternative."

"And you've found the right one, yeah?"

The boy's grin almost looked sadistic in its' satisfaction. "The perfect one."

The wall was now filled with a dozen photographs of Dick Grayson and one Barbara Gordon.

Jason gawked. But really, he shouldn't be surprised. "Guy's always had a thing for redheads." He ran his eyes over the images, noting that more than half of them featured Dick's goofily bright smile aimed at Barbara. Maybe the kid had a point. Sonnovabitch looked so damn happy. "Fine. Right. So what's the plan?"

Damian hesitated, laser pointer at the ready. "Don't you want to see the rest of my evidence?" He frowned. That sounded whiny. He was not whiny.

Rolling his shoulders disinterestedly, Jason said, "Pretty sure I don't need to. This is plenty. Plus I get to fuck with Dick's social life. That's a bonus I can't refuse."

"Well... that might be the part I need your help with..."

There was a moment of tense silence. "So. There _**is**_ no plan."

Trying to be flippant, Damian waved a dismissive hand. "We'll get to that. It can't be _**that**_ hard."

Letting his head come to rest between his hands, Jason gazed at the kid. How best to put this? "Have you actually ever tried to hook someone up before? There are all kinds of things that can go wrong. Normally, no one really gives a shit. It doesn't work out, ya move on. But when the alternative is our - is Dick shacking up with the daughter of the asshole who murdered his parents... We should have a goddamn plan."

Damian bristled. "If you're such an expert, what's _**your**_ plan?"

"Glad you asked." Jason grinned widely. "'Cause this is gonna be fun."

* * *

Barbara stared at her watch, willing it to be wrong. An hour and a half she'd been sitting here. Again. This was the fourth ruined date in two months. The third to stand her up. She glared at the time piece. "Jerk," she muttered.

The first date had been nice. Right up until the guy had spotted his college sweetheart. The two had lost track of each other as they moved to different parts of the country. Now they were, coincidentally, both living in Gotham. The woman had been so polite and apologized for ruining their date, but Barbara had honestly been happy for them. She chalked it up to "one of those things."

The second date had called her after she'd been waiting for an hour stating that he had some "legal issues" to take care of. He promised to reschedule. Barbara, curious and suddenly with nothing to do on a Friday night, looked the guy up through the computer. Turned out records had come to light through an anonymous source that revealed his embezzlement scheme to his employers. Creep got what he deserved, she decided.

By the third date, Barbara was beginning to wonder if the universe had something against her. This gentleman ended up getting a job in Metropolis suddenly and texted her as she was on her way to the movie theater to meet him.

Now she was mad. The doctor had seemed nice, stable and really funny. Barbara had been looking forward to this all week. All through work and her grueling patrols. And here she sat.

The sound of water being poured into her half empty glass brought Barbara out of her angry trance. "Can I get you another glass of wine, miss?" The waiter smiled kindly, trying for sympathetic rather than patronizing. And he called her miss, so points there.

Screw that. "You know what, I'm ready to order," she said. "I might as well enjoy myself, right?"

"That's the spirit, miss."

After a delicious meal and an indulgent dessert, Barbara stepped out into Gotham's late afternoon. The sun was setting through the haze of city atmosphere. Not exactly romantic, but what the hell. She shrugged and buttoned her coat.

Which was when she felt the vibration of her phone against her thigh. Pulling the cell out, she noted the campy blue bird image and smiled. "What's up, Dick? Dick? Hello? Are you..."

"Oh! Sorry, Babs! I didn't even realize I'd called you. Must've butt dialed..." She smirked. What an image. "Which is weird... since my phone wasn't in my pocket... But whatever. What'cha up to, Red?"

She considered all her options before deciding on the truth. "Date fell through. I'm up to zilch for the evening."

"Reeeaaaallly." Dick drew the word out and she could picture him smiling. "So, you wouldn't be too busy to watch "Blood Freak"?"

"Seriously?! You found a copy of that? Hell, yes! Who _**wouldn't**_ want to watch a blood-drinking mutant turkey drug addict murder movie? " She grinned. The two had been discussing unwatchably bad movies a month ago when that jem had come up. "I'll be there in ten!"

True to her word, Barbara was knocking on his door in less than ten minutes. Dick met her with popcorn and took her coat before the two settled onto his couch.

Several rooftops away, the Red Hood and Robin watched through binoculars. Jason put his fist towards the kid without thinking, a consequence of too much time spent around Roy Harper. He was surprised when Damian's knuckles bumped against his own.

The two stared at one another for an awkward moment. "Grayson taught me that," Damian informed him.

"Uh. Right. Let's... Let's get back." This almost-maybe-brotherly stuff wasn't sitting well with Jason.

* * *

After stopping for food, the two retreated to their temporary warehouse lair. Jason chowed down on his pizza with gusto. One thing Gotham did right was its' pies. Maybe it was all the scary crap in the water. He didn't honestly care. Still, he shook his head at the ex-assassin's meal. The kid ate the same sort of my-body-is-a-temple diet that Bruce did. Someone seriously needed to slip that kid a pixie stick or something.

"I don't understand how you managed to chase off all of her dates. You're never here." Damian looked at him speculatively.

"I have my ways." The elder shrugged.

"How'd you get rid of the doctor? I thought he was going to be a problem."

"Eh. Found him a boyfriend."

Damian paused, thinking he might have missed some context. "Boyfriend?"

"Guy was only going out with Barbara because his mom insisted on it. She didn't believe he was gay. So I hooked the dude up with another dude - a lawyer - who was a bit more confident. They seemed pretty happy, actually."

"So. You actually performed an act of kindness in order to execute our plan."

"Sucks, don't it? I was expecting to cause all kinds of trouble. Instead, I foiled an embezzler, matched up a pair of estranged college sweethearts, and found a guy a dream job." Jason didn't look terribly troubled for all his words, "How 'bout you? How's your part coming?"

Damian primly dusted crumbs from their crude table. "Very well! It hasn't really required much effort, to be honest. I've insisted on attending all of the social functions Father has been sending Grayson to. He seemed to buy my explanation of wanting to prevent Grayson from embarrassing us."

"Nice," Jason nodded.

"It's irritating how many of those socialite vultures seem to latch on to him. Those women are pathetic. A few choice words and they practically fell over themselves running away," Damian sneered.

Jason paused. "A few choice... Wait. What choice words? Did you _**threaten**_ them?!"

The boy shrugged his slight shoulders, fighting to keep self-consciousness out of his body language. Maybe it had been the wrong choice? "They're cowards. I didn't have to be remotely creative." What if he'd screwed up the plan?

Instead of censure, he was greeted by the Red Hood's raucous laughter. Jason doubled over, holding his sides. Eventually, when he could catch his breath, he turned glittering eyes back to Damian. "Kid, when you're not trying to kill me, you're hilarious."

The boy wasn't sure if that warranted smugness or not. "I think this has worked out well," he said stiffly.

"So far, yeah."

"We're not... done?"

"For real? No! One not-even-a-date doesn't equal a hook up." Jason pulled the laptop across the splintered surface. "Besides, we haven't dealt with the primary threat yet."

Damian nodded sagely. "Sonia."

"Yeah, her. But that's what phase two is for."

"And that is...?" Damian prompted.

"The easiest part. And the most dangerous. This could backfire on us, kid. The whole plan could go down in flames if this goes sideways."

"That's unacceptable!" the boy declared, planting his hands on the unsteady surface. "We cannot fail at this."

Jason gave him a sideways look. "You are way too serious. But I don't think it will. Sonia's not a complete bitch, as far as I can tell, and she's not stupid either."

"How is that going to help us?"

"Because. She needs to be smart enough to know that that smile means." Damian looked confused. And kinda angry. But that was probably because he didn't like being confused. "Just trust me on this, okay?"

"You'd better be right," the boy said petulantly.

"Oh, I am. And this is gonna be gooooood."

* * *

"You put in the next round of paperwork?" Dick held open the heavy glass door, palm flat against the frictionless surface, as Sonia stepped around him. Pausing first to sip the needlessly expensive but blissfully strong coffee, he followed her out. The trendy coffee shop had recently opened not far from the bank. Already it was crowded with patrons in business attire making demands into their cell phones and barely paying attention to their surroundings. Dick nimbly dodged a woman who was yelling about a report her secretary had failed to present that morning.

"Yep. It might take awhile for everyone to sign off on it. Some of them still aren't completely sold on this." The dark haired woman sat at one of the cafe tables lining the sidewalk and set her briefcase on the the table top next to her disposable cup.

Dropping in to the seat across from her, Dick heaved a sigh. "There is a _**lot**_ of paperwork," he emphasized.

"Well, when you want to borrow that kind of cash... And here's some more, by the way." Sonia passed him another sheaf of papers eliciting a groan from the man.

"That bad, huh?" Dick turned his head at the familiar voice, breaking into an enormous grin that tread dangerously close to sappy.

"Babs! Not so bad now. What are you doing on this side of town?"

The redhead chuckled and shrugged, wool coat shifting with the casual motion. "I was out running an errand. Weird thing, too. I got a coupon for this place in my mailbox this morning. I figured it was a sign was going to be needing coffee today." She smiled warmly at Sonia who had an eyebrow raised towards her.

Finally noticing the women's exchange of looks, Dick jumped to introductions. "Babs, this is Sonia Branch. She's been helping me try to get the loan. Sonia, this is Barbara Gordon."

"Oh, great! Dick told me all about his plan. I think it's fantastic of you to be working on this." Barbara stuck out a hand which the other woman shook politely with a practiced "pleased to meet you" greeting.

Now on his feet, Dick cast about for another chair. "Hey, are you staying? Do you want a seat? Le'me just grab this one over here."

Despite _**his**_ apparent obliviousness, Barbara had seen the appraising gaze Sonia fixed on her. The lady was trying really hard to be nonchalant about it, but Barbara knew that exact look from years of having guy pals who carelessly introduced her to their girlfriends - or worse, prospective girlfriends. Nothing killed romance like unfounded jealousy. "Nah. I've got to get going. Places to be and all that jazz. It was nice meeting you, Sonia. Good luck, you two."

"Uh, thanks... See ya around, Babs." Dick did nothing to hide his hangdog expression as he watched the mass of swaying red hair pass down the block and turn a corner. He sat down slowly and even when he turned back to Sonia, the acrobat didn't seem to register her scrutinizing look.

"So... Girlfriend?" she finally drawled after waiting a few beats.

"Huh? Oh, no, no! Babs is... is a friend."

"A friend."

"A _**good**_ friend. I've known her for almost as long as I've known Bruce."

"Uh _**huh**_." Sonia couldn't help the smirk that came to her lips. That explained a lot. It was honestly kind of cute, but a bit of a let down at the same time. "How 'bout we wrap this up and get some real food?"

"Sounds good. I'm starved." Dick's face brightened considerably at the prospect.

Rooftops away, the Red Hood lowered his binoculars. The dark scowl that twisted his mouth frightened the pigeons off the roof in a flurry of feathers and noise. "Crap."

"And how did that further our goals exactly?" Damian needled Jason.

"Shut up," he explained.

"That's what I thought."

Jason shook his head and spun around, letting his back rest against the parapet. He drummed gloved fingers against the casing of the digital binoculars making rhythmic, dull thumps. "It wasn't a total waste. Sonia definitely saw the smile. I didn't figure on Barbara, though. Forgot how annoyingly perceptive she can be."

"This requires... persistence, I think."

Taking in the boy's determined face, Jason quirked a brow. "You've got an idea?"

"I've got an idea," he affirmed. "But I'll need to collect some things first."

"We should give it some time. Too much coincidence and they'll get suspicious."

"Hnn... Yes. This family's trait of paranoia can be vexing."

"I was going to say fucking annoying, but that works too." Jason pushed off the parapet to stand and stretched his cramped legs. Too much sitting still for his taste. One of the many reasons to hate stakeouts. "You know, you never said why you asked _**me**_ to help you with this crazy little scheme."

Looking up at him, Damian seemed slightly surprised. "Isn't that obvious?" He absently toyed with the hand strap on his own binoculars.

"No. I wouldn't be asking if it was," the Red hood responded testily.

The boy glanced down and away, an obvious sign of discomfort. "There was no one else I could go to. Father seems determinedly resistant to acknowledging the problem, and Pennyworth isn't the type to be involved in such a thing. Drake is just useless."

"So I was your last choice, right? Figures." Jason feigned a huge yawn, jaw popping.

"No. You were the _**only**_ choice," Damian insisted. "The others lack the required ruthlessness to follow through. Everyone thinks I'm being foolish, but you knew how dangerous this woman could potentially be right away. Knew what kind of damage she could do to Grayson. Someone has to protect him from his own stupidity." Damian set his jaw and brought his eyes back up, challenging. "You were the _**only**_ one I could trust with this."

"Oh. Huh." Making a show of stretching his spine to mask his own feelings on the matter, Jason avoided looking at the kid. Unexpected. And awkward.

"Don't mistake this for any kind of -" Damian started.

"I got it, I got it. I hate you and you hate me." Jason put up his hands, any possible brotherly feelings well dispelled. "Let's see if we can get Barbara and Dick out on an actual date or something before we tackle Sonia again, huh?"

Nodding slowly, Damian turned the thought over a few times. "There's a charity function in three days that Father ordered Grayson to attend in his place. I've done a good enough job chasing off those vapid hangers-on so he doesn't have a date yet. I believe Gordon is also attending with her father."

"Not exactly a real date." Pulling a face, Jason decided it would have to do in a pinch. "Just make sure those two stick together. Now tell me about this idea of yours."

The boy grinned slyly. He really was creepy sometimes. "I looked at Zucco's appointment calendar and saw her next meeting with Grayson."

"Go on."

"This will require some precision in our timing, but I think it can work..."

* * *

What a perfectly crappy ending to a monumentally horrible week. Barbara trudged up the creaking stairs that led to Dick's apartment. Things had gone from tolerably bad to head-desk in a hurry. Work had been hectic, both day and night jobs. There had been that absolutely stupid gang fight that blew up in her face so fast she had to call for help. Even if it was odd that Robin showed up that quickly, he'd been invaluable in putting a lid on the situation.

Standing in front of Dick's door, Barbara knocked and waited, posture radiating resignation.

The charity event had turned out to be a bust too. Every guy that offered to get her a drink mysteriously disappeared. She had spotted several of them in the crowd after, but to a man, they'd avoided her eyes and run to the other side of the room. If that wasn't weird enough, she'd ended up spending the rest of the evening hanging out with a shockingly unaccompanied Dick Grayson. None of the women would come near him.

Well, that part was actually kind of fun. They'd made each other laugh till they were nearly sick by providing voice overs for conversations that were too far away to hear. The top off was her dad getting the phone numbers of several very eligible and very single older ladies. He'd been so flustered. That still made her smile.

This morning, Barbara realized she hadn't actually returned the DVD she'd borrowed from Dick. She and Alicia had entertained themselves with a B-horror movie night and Blood Freak was the coup de grace on the evening. The strange part was that she remembered handing it off to him when they'd crossed paths earlier in the week. But there it was, blood drinking, mutant turkey cover staring at her from its' place on the DVD rack.

The door swung open. "Babs!" Dick always looked so happy to see her, Barbara couldn't help but feel a knot of warmth in her chest. He practically beamed at her.

"Sorry to bug you but..."

Oh. _**Perfect.**_ Because her week hadn't been nearly bad enough. Beyond Dick's shoulder, Barbara spotted the form of Sonia Branch sitting on the floor next to the couch that had seen better days. Papers were spread all across the coffee table along with a few cartons of take out. The warm feeling evaporated.

"Oh geez. I'm so sorry. I didn't know you had company..." She cringed. "I have the worst timing ever."

"No, no!" Standing aside, Dick practically pulled her into the room. "It's fine. Right, Sonia?"

"Uh, sure. We were just working on this endless mountain of paperwork." The dark haired woman smiled pleasantly.

Barbara really wanted to hide her burning face now. "I could've come by some other time. I'm really sorry. I just wanted to return your movie." She held up the guilty box with a weak smile.

Taking the DVD from her, Dick looked puzzled. "Didn't you... Huh. Oh well. It's no big. Are you hungry? We've got extra."

Waving her hands in front of her, she exclaimed, "No! Uh, really, I don't want to intrude. I should get going. But..." Damn. Because this wasn't embarrassing enough. "Do you mind if I use your bathroom real quick before I head back out? It's kind of a long trip on the subway..."

"Sure. Not a problem." Dick tried not to feel disappointed as the redhead scuttled by him with a hastily spoken thanks. He turned back to Sonia and was surprised to see her packing up the papers. "Hey, are we done already?"

She raised an eyebrow and almost, almost asked if he thought she was stupid. Instead, Sonia just shrugged. "Pretty much. We can polish this off later. Let your gal know she really isn't interrupting anything, though. I think she'll feel better." Standing, she clicked the latches on her briefcase closed.

"Sonia, Babs and me... We really _**are**_ just friends." The acrobat looked unsettled, tossing the cheesy DVD on the couch cushions to cover his reaction.

The woman stared at him, eyes squinting while she studied his face. "You actually believe that, don't you? Wow." Sonia turned slightly and plucked a framed photo from his bookshelf. "I'm going to do you a huge favor then, cowboy." Moving to stand right in front of Dick, she handed him the picture. "Try looking in the mirror next time she's around, okay?" Dick's bewildered expression made her laugh.

Heading to the door, Sonia couldn't help but smile to herself. He really was adorable. "We'll meet up at my office on Monday. Have a good weekend!"

"Uh, yeah... You too..." Distracted by the image she'd passed to him, Dick barely registered the sound of the door closing.

The frame held two photos that he didn't remember having. The first was he and Babs laughing so hard they were supporting each other. It was an awkward pose with her grabbing his suit jacket and leaning over the arm of her wheelchair while he was practically draped across her shoulders to steady himself. Their apparel and the background told him the second image was taken in the same evening as the first. In this one, he had his elbows on a white linen table top and chin resting on his knuckles. Dick was gazing at Barbara with probably the biggest and goofiest smile he'd ever seen on his own face. She looked much more poised, but had her face slightly turned and her glittering green eyes watched him. Whatever she saw had her fighting the smile that very obviously pulled at her glossy lips.

"Aw, nuts!" Dick nearly dropped the frame at the unexpected exclamation. "I totally hosed that for you, didn't I?" He spun to look at Barbara who had her hands on her hips and a pout on her face.

"No, actually. You didn't," he said honestly.

She frowned. "You sure? You two looked like you were pretty cozy. I'm really sorry if I screwed up -"

"Really. We're not involved, Babs. She's just helping me get this loan secured." Barbara's frown deepened as she took in the oddly speculative look on Dick's face. It was directed solely at her. "Do you remember this?" He held out the photographs for her to see.

Eyebrows jumping, she grinned. "Oh yeah! That was just before I could... right before I left for my surgery, remember? You insisted we all go for a night on the town to celebrate."

Recognition spread across the acrobat's face. "The comedy club! Sure, sure. Didn't your dad take this? I don't remember him giving me a copy..."

Barbara was still lost in the memory, face slightly dreamy. "You were so sure it was all going to work out. I think that really helped Dad make peace with my decision. Still can't believe that you got Bruce and Damian to come with us, though." She sighed pleasantly. "What a fun night."

"Tim and Steph were pretty bummed they couldn't make it. Cass too." Sucking in a deep breath, Dick dove head first into the murky topic that was plaguing him. "Did you ever think...? I mean, have you thought about... us?"

"We've been over this..."

"Have we? 'Cause I seem to remember just agreeing to _**not**_ talk about it." He sat heavily on the arm of the couch, legs stretched in front of him while he stared at the images held loosely between his fingers.

Barbara grimaced and ground the heels of her hands against her eye sockets. Yep. This week officially sucked. "Dick..."

"I love you." Looking up at her through his dark bangs, he seemed uncharacteristically timid even as he pressed on. "Really, completely, more than a friend, and all that. I don't think I've said that to your face yet."

She watched him silently for a long moment before blowing out an exhaustive sigh. "I was wrong. _**You**_ have the worst timing ever. But you're also probably right." Perching next to him on the arm of the sofa, she let her body list against his. "We really should hash this out before things get really screwed up."

"Probably, yeah. Though exercising foresight seems like cheating." Dick's mouth curled at the edges.

"Look. It's not that I don't... have feelings for you," she started slowly, feeling her way through the sentence. "I'm pretty sure you know I do. But now isn't a good time. For either of us."

"And how long are we going to run with that excuse?" Hanging his head, Dick glared at his feet.

Shooting him an exasperated look, Barbara elbowed him in the ribs. "You can't tell me that, with all the crazy stuff going on in your life right now, you'd want to pile a serious relationship on top."

His head came up, blue eyes snapping with sudden hope. "Wait. Serious? That's not really a 'no.'"

She elbowed him a bit more aggressively this time, prompting a grunt. "Don't get ahead of yourself. But... Yes. Do you really think that when - if we get together it's _**not**_ going to be completely serious?"

"You've got a point," Dick said grudgingly. "About all of it, I guess. As much as I hate to admit it, anything I started right now would probably end up in flames. Possibly literally if my last try is anything to go by."

Dropping her head to rest on his shoulder, Barbara snuggled a bit closer and let her eyes drift closed. "I know it's not a resolution, but... Of all the relationships I've ever had, or wanted to have... I don't want to screw this up." She sighed again. "If this happens, I don't want to ruin what we've already got. Trying to force it would be a disaster."

"When did you get to be so smart?"

"I've always been this smart, boy wonder. You just don't pay enough attention."

Dick smirked into her fiery bright hair and kissed the top of her head. The two lapsed into a long, comfortable silence before he finally spoke again. "These photos... All the women at the parties avoiding me. And those ruined dates you told me about?"

"Hmmm?" Barbara responded drowsily.

"I'm sure you returned the movie too. I think I need to have a little talk with someone."

"Can't it wait?" She burrowed a bit more against his side making him chuckle.

"If you want a nap, the couch is much more comfortable."

"But not nearly as warm."

"Hey, if that's the case, I can join you." Dick put on his best leer even though Barbara couldn't see it.

She pinched his thigh, earning a soft yelp. "So much cheek out of you, short pants."

"All for you, Babs. Only for you..."

* * *

This time Robin brought up his fist and the Red Hood conscientiously completed the gesture. Success. Well, almost.

"What's our next move?" Damian asked eagerly.

"Nothing," Jason replied, folding up his binoculars and standing.

Robin frowned in response. "Nothing? This was hardly a satisfying resolution."

"It's progress, though." With a shrug, Jason expounded, "Look. I know Dick had a tendency to immediately jump for any girl who shows him kindness, but when it comes to forming real connections, he's slow as molasses."

Damian sniffed and conceded the point. "So progress of any kind is success?"

"Yup. Those two are both stubborn as hell. Pushing any further would just make them dig in their heels." Jason tucked his binoculars away in his jacket. He caught the lip of his helmet with two fingers, executing a tidy flip so it ended up between his palms before putting it on. "We're done here."

Grudgingly, Damian said, "You have... useful qualities." He hastily added, "But I'm still the superior Robin."

"Hey, whatever you gotta tell yourself. If you try to stab me again, I'll still knock your teeth down your throat."

"As if you could." Damian watched as the Red Hood vaulted over the side of the roof and landed on the fire escape with an exaggerated clang. The boy wrestled with himself for a moment before adding. "Thanks."

Jason paused at this, genuinely surprised. "Yeah. Sure." Floundering for something of his own to say, the Red Hood mumbled, "I'll... send you a postcard or something." He winced while clambering the rest of the way down to the street. Not a graceful exit, but this family crap was miles out of his comfort zone. At least the kid didn't make a smartass comment. When he glanced up, there was no sign of Robin.

Heh. At least some things stayed the same.

* * *

Damian's pencil scratched across the cheap paper of his notebook. With all the extra "work" he'd been putting in, schooling had fallen a bit by the wayside. Now he had to catch up before anyone caught on.

Dick's rolling footsteps padded in through the door. The man was nearly silent, but Damian knew that walk so well he noted it unconsciously. Still he was surprised when a very familiar picture frame was dropped across his work book.

The boy froze for only a split second, but it was enough for Grayson's practiced eyes to catch. "Well?" Dick asked.

Damian hesitated. "I don't know what -"

"And _**there**_ it is." Rubbing his fingertips across his brow, Dick sighed heavily. "You almost got away with it. But you really tried too hard. Wanna know how I figured it out?"

Refusing to incriminate himself, Damian just crossed his arms over his chest.

"Glad you asked," Dick barrelled on, undeterred. "The pictures were the big tip off. It took me a bit to remember where I'd seen them, but I _**am**_ aware of what photos I have at my place. These aren't on the list. Did you really pinch these from Jim Gordon?"

The boy just huffed. That wasn't nearly enough proof, as far as he was concerned.

"That just put me on the trail, though. I asked around, and the coffee shop said they didn't mail out any flyers until two days after Babs got hers. The only ones that were available were in the actual shop. The barista also happened to remember the "cute little blue eyed kid" that asked for some." Dick had started ticking the items of evidence off on his fingers. "Once I thought it through, I remembered how you were always scuttling around during those fancy shindigs. Usually right around the time the girls all disappeared and refused to talk to me any more. Oh, and sabotaging Babs' dates? While probably hilarious, wasn't very nice."

"That wasn't -" Damian swallowed the rest of his denial. Revealing his accomplice would only make the situation exponentially worse. "Fine. Yes. It was my doing. But it was only to save you from your own stupidity."

"Aww, I'm really feelin' the love, Dami. Care to explain?"

"Are you truly that dense?! You were about to be taken in by the daughter of your enemy! You can't trust her!"

Dick just raised an eyebrow. "I hope you are aware of the irony of _**you**_ saying that."

"Shut up! That doesn't make it any less valid." Damian was fuming now.

Sighing, Dick rested a hip against the edge of his little brother's desk. "Sonia and I aren't getting together. She's just helping me put together the loan. Yeah, she's nice and funny and beautiful but -"

"She's not Gordon." Damian finished, feeling self-righteously smug.

"I was going to say it's just business." Shaking his head, Dick gave the boy a long, calculating look. "What exactly set you on this matchmaking venture anyway? Were you just afraid I'd end up with Tony Zucco's daughter?"

"That should be reason enough." Damian sulked magnificently, jutting his jaw and sliding his eyes away. He slouched in his seat, not carrying about having less than regal posture. The chair scraped lightly against the hardwood floor as he pushed his legs out straight.

"But..." Dick prompted.

"But." Damian stalled for a moment. This sounded so ridiculously sentimental even in his head. "Gordon always makes you look... happy."

The acrobat's tanned face softened immediately, gentle smile touching the edges of his mouth. "She does. She makes me very happy. But the timing just isn't right."

"Yet?"

Dick laughed quietly. "Maybe. We'll see." Damian stiffened when his brother suddenly leaned forward, fearing Grayson would subject him to one of his insufferably cloying hugs. Instead, the older man just patted his brother on the shoulder, making the boy bristle. "Just promise to leave the relationship setups to the bored housewives, okay?"

"That sounds like a terrible idea. But fine. I will only intervene if you seem about to make a truly abysmal decision regarding your social life."

"I guess that's the best I can get, huh?"

"Yes."

Dick let out a snort of amusement. "Fair enough." He pushed off the heavy, antique desk and strolled to the door. "Oh. And thanks."

"For what, exactly?" Damian asked, voice heavy with suspicion.

"For looking out for me. For caring enough to go through all that effort. Thanks."

"Hnn." Damian flicked his gaze away, not quite willing to admit the reason for his ill-fated operation.

"Love you too, lil' D." And then the acrobat was gone, down the hall and quietly out of the manor in only a few moments.

Hunched in his seat, the boy stared out of his bedroom door for minutes after. Feeling sullen and unfulfilled, it actually took him a moment to register Bruce's solid presence in his doorway. "Father...?"

The older man smirked, one edge of his mouth pulling upwards. "Nice work." Just as quickly as he appeared, the Dark Knight vanished.

Damian gaped.

Six weeks later, Alfred silently left a postcard with an overly saturated image of a tropical beach on Damian's desk. In tight scrawling pen, the back declared "Still hate you, J."


End file.
